“DARVO,” an acronym for deny, attack, reverse victim and offender, is a reaction that perpetrators of wrongdoing, such as sexual offenders, may display in response to being held accountable for their behavior.
As the acronym suggests, the common steps of DARVO, according to Wikipedia, are: “The abuser denies the abuse. (And) when confronted with evidence, the abuser then attacks the person being abused (and/or the person’s family and/or friends) for attempting to hold the abuser accountable for their actions. The abuser claims that they are actually the victim in the situation, thus reversing the positions of victim and offender. It often involves not just playing the victim but also victim blaming.”
The goal of DARVO is to shift blame to the victim or at least plant seeds of doubt about them. University of Oregon psychology professor Jennifer Freyd coined the term DARVO, saying in a 1997 CBC Radio post, “The Case Against Forgiveness,” that “the reason it gets used frequently is that it works. However, the number of people who are inclined to believe a DARVO response lessens significantly as soon as they understand its mechanics.”
Those employing DARVO deny the impact of damage from the abuse, or even the existence of the abuse altogether. They may dismiss or minimize the victim’s experiences and emotions. By denial, abusers attempt to create doubt and confusion about the truth, making it harder to hold abusers accountable.
Since the antidote to DARVO is to recognize and understand it, I will share real- life examples to illustrate the concept further.
I reported crimes to police in May 2023, and my rapist was arrested in September and charged with 10 felonies for crimes involving three child victims. Days later, he committed suicide. Using DARVO, my abuser’s estate then tried to whitewash his sex crimes against children. I have been called a liar in both words and writing. There was a clear attempt to deny the severity of the crimes against me. A victim shame/blame campaign went on in my town that was hurtful and polarizing. Truth was denied. Nothing can make a rape of a kid acceptable — yet my rapist’s family, friends, and church leaders all kept quiet to protect and shield him for years.
Those employing DARVO will attack the victim’s credibility, character, or motives. They share a distorted version of the story with others to gain allies and create doubt about the victim. They may create lies to reinforce their own victimhood narrative.
When third parties then “like” every social media post about the victim, it helps create a warped reality meant to isolate the victim. Hundreds commented, and even more “liked” a post saying the man who raped me had lived and died “the Jesus Way.” That astounded me.
Posts about heaven, others implying that suicide was noble, and a funeral held at a local church were collectively so stunning and unheard of that two film companies put contracts before me. I answered hundreds of emails that my email address, mtlhealthrocks, received from five states and two countries. I was invited to speak to survivors, but I needed to focus on healing and pressing health traumas within my family.
The offender and those protecting the offender often twist the narrative, saying they are the ones who suffered harm. By reversing the victim and offender roles, they seek sympathy and empathy from others which can be particularly effective in manipulating perceptions. If they could make me look bad, maybe that would make him look less bad?
The estate of my abuser attempted to claim victimhood by filing lawsuits against two of his victims. One of those lawsuits named my husband and me as defendants. DARVO lawsuits are intended to confuse people, to make people doubt the victims, to punish victims for speaking up in an attempt to control and silence.
Slanderous allegations were filed against my husband and me without evidence of any wrongdoing. After being served the lawsuit on my grandson’s second birthday, we had to wait six months for a court hearing. This was a stressful time, particularly since it was happening while my grandson was undergoing stem cell replacement therapy. The revenge lawsuit was finally thrown out by a judge on May 21, 2024.
The intentional hurt piled onto me and my family because I reported serious crimes has been disappointing. My sons are fifth-generation citizens of Chowan County and I have lived here productively for 36 years. Yet, not one elected leader reached out to me privately to remind me that this is my home and that my efforts were appreciated.
There should not be such a high price to pay to seek justice. If victims who report crimes are increasingly subjected to DARVO-based secondhand abuse, even fewer crimes will be reported than are now and perpetrators will be free to target other victims with impunity. Let’s do better for the next brave heart.
Healing is always possible! Making good decisions as we move forward helps us not to trip over what is behind us. Awareness is how we reveal and stop the weapon of DARVO.
Note about the author:
Chamblee Simonsen is a lifelong resident of North Carolina. A wife of 38 years, mother of three sons, grandmother to nine, she balances family and writing with working as a law office administrator. With a University of North Carolina B.A. in Education and former Emergency Medical Technician, she is a survivor of child rape who is committed to step forward, speak out, and use her exceptional experiences to increase awareness of the CSA epidemic. Chamblee is currently finishing a memoir entitled “Just Say Nothing,” which should release in 2026.